EAST TEXAS HOG DOGGERS FORUM

With all these debates going on right now I thought itd be beneficial to share a few words of wisdom from the late R.E. Parker.

All this griping tells me you kids are hankering for a spankering.

Dry it up or ill give you something to cry about

If everybody liked the same thing as me, your Grandma would be awful sore.


Feel free to share your favorites

If u dont listen,  your gonna wish u did.

Measure twice - cut once.
If it's worth doing - it's worth doing right.
Believe half of what you see and nothing that you hear.

"blood is thicker then water"

This small town can kinda be dull but what you hear sure makes up for it.

Don't tred on me.



While standing I'n the dog pound
"think it will hunt"
"betcha it will bark at a pig"

And my favorite
Yal can all go to he'll, I'm going to Texas.

Think about everything, but don't worry about anything.

Its quicker to do it right once than to half arse it twice.

Don't sweat the dumb chit.

Walk it off you'll be OK.


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put your brain up a knat's arsh would be like a bb in a box car

that there dog looks so bad you could hunt bear with a switch

if i come in there you're going to wish i didn't

put your two minds together you'ld still have half a thought

"I'll switch your naked legs!"

"Rub a 'lil dirt in it, it'll clot faster."

and "Dammit!" though that was my name till I started school.

not words of wisdom but some of my grand pappys sayings

That boys so dumb he coudnt pour piss out of a boot if the directions were wrote on the heel

That looks harder than a 3 legged dog burrying a turd on a frozen lake

Im onna break out on you like poison ivy

Ill beat you till your nose bleeds then beat you for bleeding at the nose

"Uglier than sheep $hit in shallow water"

"Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock"

"If your gonna be a bear be a grizzly"

"The only time to talk about whoopin someones a$$ is after youve done it"

"Even a blind hog finds an acorn"

"Like putting lipstick on a pig"

"Useless as tits on a boar hog"

I could go on and on...........

Well that went over like a fart in church.

Dumber than a box of rocks.

"boy its hotter than a goats but in a pepper patch"

"rather have it and not need it, then need it and not have it"

"your a quart low in the crankcase"

"this aint my first rodeo"

You got more Problems than a Math book!

If ur gonna be stupid u got to b tough

Well bud if it was easy everyone culd do it!

It is what it is brother !

you did what?? ... why?

hard head soft asprin

hey yall watch dis

everybody gota be doing somthing when good lord calls you home






                                                                                                                                                     

if you ain't got time to do it right how you gonna find time to do it again .

You may think your crazy but you aint stupid!

Been saving these for a while now cause I like em... 8)

An  Old Farmer's Advice:

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around  the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies.  It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. 
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles. 
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best  sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen, anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 
* Live a good, honorable life.  Then when you get older and  think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

 * The biggest troublemaker you'll  ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.' 

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. 
* Live simply.  Love generously.  Care deeply.  Speak  kindly.

 "Only reason I am getting rid of him is because..."

 hey reuben , that sounds like will rogers .... EVERY WORD IS A GOOD ONE TO LIVE BY .

"hold my beer and watch this'"
and T-bob, that one "if everyone thought like me your grandma would be one sore lady" gave me a good laugh  ;D

colder than a witches tit in a brass braw
ill give you something to cry about
dry it up
number 2 too if you eat regular
your next fat girl
babby momma
im your huckleberry
get out
treat others how you want to be treated
hold my beer and watch this

HAHAHAHAHA

don't know who wrote these but I like and actually learned from them. :)

that one about the bumble bees being faster than a john deere are very true. When I was a kid my older brother was mowing the pasture and he ran over a bumble bee nest and he didn't know it until the second pass and the old john deere couldn't outrun the bumble bees and he got stung about 100 times...doctor said he was lucky my dad took him in...

"Never trust a bluetick"  :laugh:

Couple that are burned into my brain...  You youngin's would do well to try to understand these...  ;)

"Never say never... don't always say always... and usually say usually..."

"You may not be able to lead a horse to water and make it drink.... but a wise man makes sure the horse is thirsty before he makes the bet..."

The younger, lazier me always lived by "why do today what you can put of until tomorrow,"

And to add to an earlier post I always preferred "colder than a witches titty in a snowmans mouth."

And when its time to leave somewhere I usually go with...
"Off like a new brides panties."
"Off like a dress on prom night."
or the best(or worst).. "Time to make like a fetus and head out."

Don't piss down my back and tell me it's rainin ;)

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOUR TALKIN' TO ME!" ;D

Im Ya Huckelberry!!   Classic!

He's not the coldest beer in the cooler!

The price on that is higher than giraffe p*$**

Finer than frogs hair.                                                                                                                                                              If you have to eat crow, do it while it is warm.

Let's get it on like donkey kong.

Rock out with your male rooster out.

____ has more ____ than carter has pills.

I'm sweating like a whore in church on sunday

I'm out like a fat girl in dodgeball.

That went over like a turd in a punch bowl.

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If you can't make a dollar make a dime.

One my dad use to tell me   -"..., and I don't mean maybe!"

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

I will rip off your arm and beat you with the bloddy end of it.

Pick your friends carefully and your enemies cautiously.

If it ain't broke don't fix it.

split 4 ways.......I forgot about that one.

Ill whoop you so bad, when you go home, your mom wont ask what happened,......she'll ask how'd you get away?

Ill put knots on your head quicker than you can rub em.

Get on it like a rat on a cheeto.

She told me she was 18 !!!!!

Don't look at the girl look at  her mama cause you can't fix ugly.

Slippery as greased owl chit.

She's prettier than hubcaps on a hay bailer.

Sexier than boots on a rooster.

"she got a purdy mouth"

"boy she could suck a golf ball through a fire hose"

"Slicker than possum snot on a doorknob"

"Nuttier then squirrel chit"

"Dick deep on a giraffe"

All I can think of at the moment

"Tighter than dicks hatband"

DON,T PISS IN TO THE WIND
DON,T WHITTLE TOWORDS YOURSELF

Busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.
"daddy where you going"? "crazy"
Anything you boys don't tear up you just sh!t on.
This thing is leaking oil. Let me know when it stops we'll add more oil.
That's gonna leave a mark.

WISH IN ONE HAND, SH&% IN THE OTHER N SEE WHICH ONE FILLS UP FIRST

don't make no damn sense lol my grandpa's favorite words

slicker than owl  s***

"if" this "if" that........... if your aunt had b#*%'s she woud be your uncle!

oh hell. talking to u is like shootin a gun in the wind

IF !     IF AND OR BUTS WHERE CANDY AND NUTTS  IT WOULD BE CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   A FOOL AND HIS MONEY WILL SOON PART.         

      stupid people shouldnt breed

      sure as bread falls butterside down

      clear as mud

      i hear ya woody

      assume = ASS outta U and ME

     as the crow flys

     ass over tea cup

     LIVIN THE DREAM!

Buy you a book and send you to school all you do is eat the cover.


When I was bothering my parents "go play in the hwy somewhere"

you ain't got the scenes God gave a jackass

I'll knock you into next week

that dog don't hunt

you kids would tear up a sherman tank

(http://i143.photobucket.com/albums/r154/gatorbell/old-ratfinks2.jpg)

you mess with the bull,yall get the horn some day.

dont through rocks in a glass house

"boy you can tear up an anvil with a q tip" grandpa told me that one a few times  ;D

I like that one but I have always wondered...............who is Dick?   ;D

Nastier than three food up a bulls a$$.

Slicker than greased owl sh!t

Its hotter than a west Texas road lizzard.

Its colder than a well diggers A$$ in Montana

If he had any brains he'd take em' out and play with em'

Looking for yesterday

What is time to a hog?

It dont cost any more to feed a good dog (cow or horse) than it does a sorry one.

I don't know... But I bet ya he had a tight hatband ;D

It's better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

He's got two brain cells. Ones lost and the others lookin for it

Birds of a feather flock together

 " Me and stupid may look alike but we ain't kin."

Snows so deep you have to poop in a shotgun and shoot it out the chimney.

"If"  if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his butt on the rocks.

Boy u could messup a wet dream

Im so hungry, I could eat the rearend out of a menstruating polecat

if your want to run with the big dogs you better be able to piss in the tall grass

I'm so hungry, "my belly thinks my throats cut"

Do something, even if it's wrong.
Don't run from 'em you'll make a fool out of 'em.
Use your head for something besides a hat rack.
Useless as tits on a boar hog.
Handy as socks on a rooster.
Don't bite off more than you can chew.
Never gamble more than you can afford to lose.
A fast horse will run just fast enough to lose your money, 'cause a racehorse will outrun him everytime.

Just some I heard from my Dad and directed mostly at me.

drunker than 8 sombi*ch*s
sweatin like a french whore on nickel night

Dont let your mouth write a check your a$$ cant cash!

1. Harder than a Brick Bat
2. I rather hear a fat baby farts than a grown man cry
3. I'll put you in my back pocket and feed you farts till ur old enough to eat S*!t.
4. Busier than a one armed paper hanger

lmao @ #3  ;D

dont let your alligator mouth over load your hummingbird arse
 boy  you could tear up a crow bar in a sandpile
meaner than a junkyard dog

You better talk to your other guys like that!!... 8)

(http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r219/BONEDIGGERKENNELS/1-1-2010/other%20stuff/291796_10150860438550427_549660426_21168405_709179963_n.jpg)

"Nuttier than a squirrel turd!"
"A good fisherman always baits his hook!"
"A hole is only as deep as the person who digs it!"
"its not the strength of the ant, its the stremgth of the colony."

It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission :) well sometimes not... ;D

riding the borderline of perfection

perfect practice makes perfect

on the ragged edge...

the one I dislike..."If it ain't broke don't fix it"...

one good soldier can conquer a city of 1000 but 2 good soldiers can conquer a city of 10,000.

it the same as " two heads are better than one"...

that dog can sh_t you a hog...

the best hog dog here didn't win the baying contest...

the best ones I ever heard... ;D

God gave you 2 eyes 2 ears and 1 mouth for a REASON.

You cant help some one that wont help their self.

You cant fix stupid.

you cant turn a whore into a house wife.

  dont squat with your spurs on
  I had cuts worse than that on the head of my p##ker
  could s##t threw a screen door
  you better check your droors
  like I already said
  didnt hurt
  Cant hunt here, but we can go get the dogs, turn off your light
  put your money were your mouth is
  cowboy up
  saddle up
  "little boy hung on the pot!"   blow on your thumb
  dont mess with texas
  sort it out
  baby you sure are making me h##ny, you smell like bacon grease!
  what had happened was
  hay bossman
  smell's like a#s and corn chips
  its easier to eat crow warm
  I dont know what he's on but I want some
  it wasn't me
  f##ked uplike a run over dog
  just let me put the head in
  float like a lead baloon
  my scope was off
  try wearing my boots
  boy i'll slap you so hard your momma gonna feel it
  were just friends
  yes honey
  sugar momma
  cougar
  I only had two beers officer
  Its only boot top deep
  Race horse--run so fast make your eyes watter
  shake the acorns off the trees
  pretty good for a white boy
  too lazy to steal
  park and fight
  pupl wood haulers daughter
  no babby you dont look fat
  taking candy from a babby
  back in the day
  the good old days
  as much fun as choppin cotton
  pretty good if your hungry
  dont s##t were you eat
  cut the cards for a poke "gus mc cray"
  if your got to be hung, might as well be by your friends
  im telling the truth
  isnt cold
  like a bull in a china closet
  the dog ate it
  bankers hours
  I didn't vote for him!
  3 miles both ways up hill
  show me
  happy as a fat girl at prom
  I wasnt a dancer I just waited tables
  shoot him shoot him  "Troy Landry"
  I just borrowed it
  they dont use it anyhow
  I forgot
  I thought she had horns
  not my dog trashing
  follow me
  you cant mess it
  he didnt mean to bite you
  it is what it is
  she was pretty last nite
  she didn't tell me she was married
  were seperated
  not worth the price of a bullet
  wont happen again
  I'll call you tomorrow
  im not a horse trader
  turd floater
  if you dont like the weather just wait a minute
  i forgot
  that wasn't how I meant it
  honost
  it was only driven to church on sunday
  lets pray about it
  gods country
  it only happened once
  got to love a fat girl

I use this one all the time in reference to some of my co-workers, except I say "You're as worthless as teets on a boar hog!"   ;D

Life is a virgin if it was a b!tch it would be too easy.

Always screw up........never down

If u ain't cheatin u ain't trin ....if u get caught u ain't trin hard enough

Pain is only Temp

Pain is weakness leaving the body

Pain is ur bodys way of letting you know ur still alive

fighting over the internet is like running in the special olympics, if you win your still retarded....  rolleyes

"its only wrong if you get caught."

"big girls need love too" (this one I have only heard, have no actual experience with)   ;)  ;)

Haha uh huh that's what they all say. ;) its like riding a moped its a lot of fun you just don't want your buddies to find out about it! :D of course that's what I've heard ;D

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Haha.....what do a fat girl and a moped have in common??.....their both fun to ride until your friends see you on one!!!

"went to bed at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2.......never went to bed with an ugly woman but sure woke up with a few"

and like my signature and Jason Boland says...."cant tell if I drink because she bitches, or she bitches because I drink"

Like a fat girl at prom just happy to be here
Gotta a$$ like a government mule
I swanny
God takes care of dummies

fat girls appreciate it more...

Thats kind of like "which came first, the chicken or the egg"?

A couple of my grandads and grandmas saying,
 
R those ur legs r Did u ride in on a chicken,
Go piss up a rope
Whats on ur heel no boy I SAID How do ya feel

when my grandpa would put shoes on I would ask him where he was goin he would reply "up town to buy a hound"
my dad always said "stay out with the night owls wake up with the early birds"
"if momma aint happy nobody is happy!"
"that boy could wreck a steel ball"
more recently the most famous one around our parts is "stick it it's too big to tie"
Talk softly and carry a big stick!
"You know that white spot on the top of chicken $hit...well it's chicken $hit too!"
that man can run like a spotted a$$ ape

your so useless go crawl in a hole
That dog doesnt trash
Il be on you like s**t on a stick
my grandma can run faster than you
i would shoot it but it not worth the bullet i use to do it
he was huge

We don't hunt bear with sticks...we use switches

 My mom in traffic...."if they drive any slower, they will be in reverse!"

 My Grandpaw when we  got hurt....."I had a cut bigger than that on my lip and could still whistle dixie."

 My Dad after he whooped us...." Dry it up or I'll give you something to cry about!"

 My Grandmaw after we would break something in the house....." You kids are like a bunch of coons, if you cant eat it or tear it up, yall chit on it!"

 My mom after we broke something in the house...." I cant have nothin!"

 My Grandmaw was prett whitty and my mom told me when she was little she asked my Grandmaw if she could have some J-E-L-L-O and my Grandmaw replied...... H-E-L-L-no!   ;D

Wherever you go......there you are.
Going at it like a belt fed motor.

Today we were huntin', skeeters were huge, and older feller said, "The skeeters on this place could f##k a hoopin crane standin flat footed" ;D

 she's like a one legged duck on a pond
 your dummer thana box of rocks
 your sure not the sharpest crayon in the box
 when they was passing out brains you thought they said rain and ran
 you dont know $hit from shinola
 that elevator doesnt go to the top
 cant catch your a$$ with both hands
 cant hit the broad side of a barn
 I feel like ibeen swung at and missed and crapped at and hit

The best part of you ran down your mama's leg...

"Going at it like two drunk monkeys"
"If your sister had a pecker she'd be your brother"