EAST TEXAS HOG DOGGERS FORUM

First off, let me start out by saying how much I appreciate being able to "get out" certain stories that I often have a hard time describing verbally... This site has allowed me to record many of my adventures, some I would like to remember... some not so much.  This would be one of the latter, but a learning experience it was none the less...

... may take me a bit to put all the details of the story together...  rolleyes   so please bare with me HAHA....  ;D

Chapter 1:  Necessary Evil

... Having been hired by a certain maritime company(who had been forced by the union to hire union members exclusively)... I, in turn, was now a "union member".....  with a few signatures and a slap on the back... they told me it was only a formality, and, other than a nominal yearly due, I would never have known I was even in a union...  For the first few months the story held true... and then I was flown to union headquarters in Baltimore for a training seminar... my first introduction to "the Union"...

     As a naive "virgin" to the world of unions, I had no preconcieved notions as what to expect... other than what I had heard over the years... rumors, jokes, stories of the "mafia" type organizations...  to which I told myself, "surely, in this day and time, these are all just antiquated exagerations"... Myself, coming from a black and white, seemingly clear-cut free-market(non-union) background, well, I went in to this experience with my eyes wide open... as always... I would allow what I personally experienced to form my opinion of what it was to be in a union... without prejudice.

Upon arrival to headquarters, I was quickly sucked into the finely oiled machine that "processed" it's members as it had for many, many years I learned... When I say the atmosphere was strange... strange like being in some sort of time warp where a period in time was frozen, at a standstill...   The ambiance just had a "smell" of the early 20th century...   I quickly picked up on an "uneasy fear" that the "guests" of the union seemed to walk around with.... this chit was like nothing I had ever seen before.  I could immediately "sense" a bully behind the scenes if that makes any sense....

Entering the military-style check station at the front gate, it was immediately made known that the union was in charge of every move made... they had their own rules, their own regulations, and their own "enforcers"...  which I would meet soon enough...

Question is are you still a union member? The union had a time and a place. I dont like the idea of time served gets you to the top, when Hard work should get you there.

HELL NO, not a union member... a man should get paid for what he deserves... nothing more, nothing less.

... I cannot sufficiently describe the "atmosphere" that existed within the headquarters... to see grown ass men, of all ages, visibly "scared" about what they SPOKE about... I quickly felt out what certain subjects on premises were "improper" to discuss publicly... again, being who I am... I could not resist this "pink elephant in the room that nobody wanted to admit to seeing"  ;D .... and therein began my adventure....

Chapter 2 ;D:  The Meeting

     So..  after my first day of odd warnings/introductions to this union I was apparently now a member of... I went to my (on-premises) hotel room for a night of sleep... no idea what was about to come....

... the next morning, I woke early and hit the gym, quite ready for my scheduled classes(which was the reason I was there to begin with).. during breakfast however, I overheard a few men talking about the "union meeting" that was scheduled later on that day... being a "union member" I immediately assumed I was invited and had my chair center front as soon as my last class ended...  ;D  ... I was intrigued by this "rogue" faction I had encountered.... and meant to study it's workings as thoroughly as possible while I had the opportunity...

... as men continued to filter in, the auditorium quickly filled to capacity... several hundred easily... now at this point, everything felt "quite regular" haha....  that is, till the "meeting" began... :o

... I'd never encountered such a "ritualized", old-school meeting such as this... as the "handlers/enforcers" entered the stage, 10-15 of them... I could not believe my eyes... the Italian "mafioso" stereotype was comical lol... greasy, pasta-fed good-fellas in appropriately matching obnoxious shark skin suits... "you've got to be F'ing kidding me".... I murmered to myself, as I sat there in my wranglers and cowboy hat....  ;D

... meeting was called to order in quite dramatic fashion...  with a loud "meathead" bellowing out, what was apparently the standard shpeal... went somethin' like this....

"This meeting is here by called to order blah-blah-blah... blah-blah.... blah... and so forth...." .... wasn't til I heard this last part.... "and if ANYONE would like to nominate a candidate for replacement of any board member or PRESIDENT".... my ears quickly tuned back in... ;D

...The intimidating fellow went on to "dare" any attending members to nominate any members to challenge sitting "management"(for lack of better term).... now at this moment, I was simply in awe of the brazen arrogance of the beginning to this so-called "meeting"....  after the hooplah... with much extravagent prelude... the "president" of the union made his entrance to the stage... an old, fat, short, grey-bufonte-haired Italian fellow... the frickin' godfather..... YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

.... again... I was oblivious to this new world... I was there to learn, period.    ..... and learn quickly I did... the president stepped to the podium and began his speech... a "rah-rah" speech that was only derailed by the "peculiar man in the cowboy hat front and center" HAHAHA..... ;D   He tried to keep going... but I could see a visible twitch as he glanced at my hat... when he paused I knew what was about to happen....  ;D  ... my hat was off before he had to ask me... he thanked me anyways... as the whole building held it's breath.........    :o

I could tell right there this dude was a man that carried much weight... pictures of him cozied up with Obama adorned the grounds... re-inforcing his "aire" of power.... 

... after the meeting, I was swarmed by sailors/fellow union members who were "extremely entertained" by my "interaction" with the president... as he was known to be quite "distant" lol... I, of course, laughed it off... until I saw the men begin to scatter as two "enforcers" came up to "talk" to me....

They wanted to know who I was... I told them. ... They explained to me the "way things were around here"... and I listened...   These boys were dead serious.     Very strange feeling in this day in time... let me tell you...

... as they left, the men..... MY men now  ;) ;D, came back in to see what the hooplah was about... I was immediately known throughout the whole union headquarters from that point on... I had the management's attention... and thereby the men's respect...  a somewhat dangerous position to be in I would soon realize.

Chapter 3: Ripe for a Coup

    Having seen the reaction to any sort of non-compliance to the "regime" lol... I could see "the men" were (quite enthusiatically)open to the idea an outsider who wasn't afraid to stir the pot...WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE MY SPECIALTY  ;D

... a few days went by, as I went through the motions of daily life on the compound, I could see the "word" had spread about the "troublemaker" and I recieved nods from close to a thousand men/women that were on premises as I went about my business.... there was "talk" behind the scenes... "rumors" that I was going to have to live up to at some point... as it seemed I had been apparently elected for some odd purpose which I did not yet know....

Chapter 4: Where REAL Business Happens....

.... just a few days in, and I'd already managed to garner the attention(piss off) of the union leadership... par for my life it would seem  ;D...  that evening, a group of the men approached me about joining them for a drink and conversation at a local union establishment... which I obliged unbeknownst to the ramifications that would ensue...

When I arrived at the bar, there was a large group of people there waiting for me... it was awkward to put it mildly... as it was obvious they were there waiting to hear me speak... I have always had social anxiety issues, regardless of no reason to have it.... but I still occasionally do lol...

... as soon as I got there, I was greeted like a hero... the men, through rumors and what not, had come to the opinion that I was the "breath of insight" that they had been longing for and I played right into it like a damn dummy... like I knew EXACTLY what I was doing HAHA....  ;D

... that was, until a group of the enforcers showed up... "tipped off" to the "leader of an uprising" that was having a "rally" at a UNION ESTABLISHMENT...   :-\     Let's just say things were about to get REAL tense...
 

i'd a told'em to kiss my ass and went back home to work  ;)

These ain't the boys to tell to kiss your ass JDT... these are the type you end up, face down in a damn river if you cross them bad enough....

... the men filled me in real quick on "how things worked" with this particular union... BIG money on the line, and these people ain't afraid to do what they have to do to protect their "kingdom" if you know what I mean...  this was getting real, real quick.  SCARY, SURREAL $HIT, but FACT none the less.

... As the "posse" showed up to interupt any possible "treasonous" talk about to happen... I, being me lol.... went for the jugular...  ;D

... I knew that these men that had shown up to "break up" our get together were nothing but a bunch of brain-washed meatheads... incapable of thinking for themself... incapable of logical, public debate... this was gonna be fun....  ;) ;D

.....  ;D...  I proceeded to call out my oponents.... and promptly bought them all a drink so as we could discuss our issues like gentlemen publicly(MAN I'm glad I had a crowd in this instance...  ;D ;D )

I went on to, basically, humiliate the "management" in their inneptness in describing how their abuse of power helped the average union member... let's just say, IT GOT UGLY.   By the end of our debate, I was literally hefted up on the shoulders of the opposition as the enforcers reluctantly left the building.... to go tattle on me to the boss....

With this great "win" in debate... I cannot deny I basked in the glory for all of about 5 minutes unitl I heard the first man mention something about nominating me for PRESIDENT the following day at meeting....  :o     WHHHOOOOAAAHHHH  SON..... say WHAT.....

... a cold chill ran up my spine as I suddenly realized I, again, had managed to somehow get into chit WAAAAAAY over my head....

I hope you finish the story tonight... ;D

... I did not sleep a wink that night... I actually wedged a chair against my F'n door and called one of my most respected peers, who from Jersey, has/does still deal with this type of people... a people I had always joked about.... having had no contact with... but suddenly, things became much more serious... thoughts of my wife and daughter back in Florida flooded my mind. 

... as much as "idealistically" I wanted to be the person to "reform" this antiquated "parasite" of a union... my good friend helped me understand I was SERIOUSLY in over my head... I had been "chosen" by an opposition to the current leaders as a "figurehead" by which to express their agenda.... all while hiding behind me...  :o ;D

.....didn't take much convincing to talk me into declining the nomination that was coming the next day at noon...

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These ain't the boys to tell to kiss your ass JDT... these are the type you end up, face down in a damn river if you cross them bad enough...


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 id'a still told'em to kiss my ass and ducked around a corner with a good noggin nocker  ;)   you handled it better than i would have . i've only had to work with horses mules cattle and dogs , and diplomacy don't go far with them  ;D

Mee too this is good reading....I have never understood unions although President does have a nice ring lol that is a sure way to really piss them off haha

C'mon Hemingway, wrap it up!  ;)

well...he is still pecking away cause he is online...

Chapter 5:  0630 hours... Hell of a start to the day...

     I was sitting in a chair, facing the door  when the knock came... unsure of what would happen when I opened the door...

When I opened it, I was greeted with an entourage of meatheads who politely asked me to come with them for a "requested" conversation with the president...  Man this was intense $hit.

... he greeted me warmly, as any old, wise warrior would.   He looked me in the eye and studied me as we talked.   He asked me my intentions, and I explained that all I wanted to do was go back to my ship and do my damn job...  He proceeded to ask me if I was interested in joining "the family" and I VERY delicately declined... not my cup of tea...  could not (safely) tell him ideologically we did not agree...

... the "closed door meeting" ended as quickly as it began and I counted the days until I was finally able to fly the hell out of that "underworld bull$hit" and get back to REAL work...  it was simply one of the most "eye-opening" experiences in my life... there is bad, bad chit that goes on in our society to this day... hand in hand with our own government.... 

     I learned something on this adventure about myself...  until this point, I have always been a "burn it down" personality.... never afraid to go with my "instinct", which is to inspire and conquer...

... however, the seriousness of this particular "game" had possible implications on my family... which has become the defining variable in my life these days...

... was a ride that's for sure...  ;D

(I apologize, in that, sooo much more happened that I'm still trying to comprehend... taken me several years to where I'm even comfortable talking about this for fear of retaliation.)

Noah, brother, for some strange reason, your longer stories make me want to find a chzecoslovakian mime and roundhouse kick him in the face, just so I could do something more crazy than you.

I challenge you to a bucket list item. You must snare a bobcat and give him purple nurples till one of you cries uncle!

LMBO. Funny stuff there

Getting myself into bad dangerous chit seems to be a gift.... what can I say...  ;D

The fact that I am still alive is proof enough for me that there is a God... he MUST have some sort of plan for me.... I hope.

Well I've worked union since 1976 and have never been sorry. I also have never needed the union to stand up for me in all those years. I millwrightd in a paper mill till 2 years ago and understand why a union is needed in a big plant cause there are hole in the butts who use a little power to make life miserable for folks under them. On the other hand the union is kept busy standing up for deadbeats. I have joined the millwrights union out here now and its all different. There are 2 ways to get work, hall callouts and direct callouts from employers that know you or heard of you. At 57 yrs. old I have found that my skills and work ethics are getting me more calls than I can say yes to. The only thing that ever motivated me in that mill was my own pride and and the drive instilled by my parents. So my union experience is quite different but I do know there are still crooked powerful unions out there. Glad I haven't run into that. Noah, I always enjoy your thought provoking writings. Keep it up bud.

Thankyou WayOutWest, I completely see the advantage of an ETHICAL union in theory... it's just that the one I was involved in was certainly not...

... as a "side story" to said adventure...  ;D

    One evening I was at, yet another, "union drinking establishment"  ;D.... and an African American officer began to get mouthy haha....

....now, in the offshore business, racism is not tolerated... big business = professional conduct....  which I do love....

...HOWEVER... the place was still pretty much divided/split down the middle.... blacks on one side, whites on the other... and this dude just kept jackin' his jaw...  rolleyes ;D

............ SOOOO...  ;D

     .... I took it upon myself to mosey on over into the dark to ask this sombitch what his problem was and it got "lively"....  ;D ;D


...being called out in front of his friends, he jumped up into my face... and we shared a "classic, rubbin' titties" stare down...  which I did not mind  ;D.... I explained our situation... his friends wanted no part of it... and bought us a pitcher to drink on whilst we explored our similarities...

.... I, single-handedly, won the black vote that night... DAMN I shoulda been a politician...  ;D

I'd have to say I enjoyed that story very much! It just seems like you left a lot out though... I'm wondering why you thought that they were such "hard hitters" or "old school underground mafia"... how could you tell they were crooks? I do not doubt you, just really intrigued by this story. Why didn't you take the Prez up on his offer? Do you want to do manual labor for the rest of your life? I would think getting involved with them would have raised your pay...  ;) LOL! From reading a few of your stories it seems you are perceived as a leader, why not live it and embrace it??? Don't you think that you could make a difference in anything that would get involved in? I guess going through what I have, one thing I’ve learned is that perception is everything… and if that is the way the majority perceives them, then that is the way “they are”.

I hired on with a big company back in 1974...from the very beginning the old hands stayed on me to join the union...when my 90 days were up someone showed up with the paperwork and I joined right then...Well, I was glad to do so because that first job was a hell hole and the supervision was nasty...well at least half of them...not going to the details but it was like a prison in that particular part of the company...we dealt with the production of metal. We got escorted to the lunch room and minutes were counted, we were escorted to the shower room...just a bad atmosphere...and if you were a good worker the supervision would try to write you up for anything just to keep you there...in other words...if you tried to bid elsewhere you were more than likely be turned down with a bad record...So the union really came in handy at that location...one day this supervisor went balistic on me and that was it...I came in early the next morning and signed the bid sheet that was coming down at 7 am...same location but on the shift work end of metal production when the molten metal was made into different alloys and shipped out to the buyers...I thought I died and went to heaven...the work was tolerable even though we didn't get many breaks...and the supervision was tolerable...

one day I recieved a call that an uncle in lubbock, texas, had passed away...it was during one of the mini recessions and we had about 5 extra folks just floating and cleaning up where it was already clean...I asked my foreman if I could take some days off to go up to lubbock and to the funeral and he said no...I talked to my union stuart and he said it was a crock of chit...all these extra folks and I couldn't take off...he went over this foremans head and the superintendent said...take all the days you need...if you have vacation days use them or if you don't you can take off but without pay...

One thing I can tell you is that being a good union stuart pays big...My union stuart at that time was good all around...got along well with management as well as with the union men...but he always did his job right...so he was respected by all...

I reckon I should mention and define what I see as a bad union stuart...I can spot one pretty quick. either they try to kiss managements butts or they are always anti company...that is all I have to say about that... ;D

Well, my brother calls me and tells me to bid over to his department because it is an awesome place to work...I placed my bid and several months go by and the same foreman that didn't want me to go to the funeral walked up to me and asked if I had placed a bid... I said yes and he said well they turned you down and walked off...I went and asked him why and he said something about my record...went back to the union stuart and he asks me if I was evr written up and I said no...so he set up a date for me and him to review my work record with the production foreman...we look at my record and he goes aha...says right here you were given 2 days off without pay...I couldn't remember ever being off without pay until we looked at the date when it happened...it was for the funeral leave...I couldn't figure out why I was turned doen because I never missed work, always setting production records etc. etc...but I did party hard when I was not working...in my younger days  ;D

So I got the bid and moved on to the type of work I loved for the next 30 years...explosions, gas releases...lots of fun...but most of all coming up with solutions to make the plants more reliable and less labor intensive...the learning curve was limitless...I often went wher no man had gone before as far as coming up with process/plant improvements...the only thing I lost on that deal was that one person got ahead of me on senority because of the delay...senority was a big deal back in those days...if you had senority you hand the choice jobs that came available...so the union was very strong and good in those days...it helped me...the union does not see color, religion, clicks, suck a$$es...it protects all who belong...


not too much later I could see the hand writing on the wall...little japan made junk and then they converted and started making high quality stuff...and the third world countries were stepping up and trying to compete...and we had the US government handing down tuff and hard to comply regulations that wer about killing us...then we had a union that never changed with the times...we had union members that needed to be fired because of poor work ethics and they were protected...I could do a job in five minutes but the union wouldn't let me because that job belonged to another craft and the job could only be done by the craftsman...and this required at least one or 2 hours of preperations and then it was 2 craftsmen that came to do the job...

it didn't take me long to seperate myself from these so called working ethics we had as a union working in the plant...I always felt like the union could be strong and be a close friend to the company...I felt like we needed to stand together so we could compete against the world (China) and always be the best...to me it looked very simple to do...the majority got along well with each other (union and management)...I liked the fact that even when a sorry ass boss came on board that the union kepted him in check...It seemed to me that if the management treated the workers fairly, and the union dealt with low performers...all could get along and it would't have to be us and them...the union has gotten weaker because they did not adapt accordingly, and we also have governmental laws that tend to protect to a certain extent...in the big companies anyway...

I transferred to a non union plant in 1993...I learned real quick when to speak up and when to keep my mouth shut and I knew who my friends were and who felt threatened by my experience and know how...around those guys I learned to not question just follow orders...my goal was to retire and not get laid off...just something we have to deal with when not in a union...it took a few years but those guys were dealt with and I moved up into those shoes...just have to know how to play in the system...just like in the wild...we must learn how to adapt to our environment...or we will go by the wayside...



But now that I am retired from that company...I still work out there but not directly for... but almost...and it is a cush job...  ;D and I like to think and believe that I earned it...  :) I see how some of the small companies can sometimes hire some no account type of foremans that create clicks...like drinking buddies, or, they hire their friends, or they take care of the kiss butts etc.etc. and the hard and reliable workers get screwed...and they don't get the raises but the ones in the clicks get the raises...and it is a hard pill to swallow when I see this around me...just ain't right...and I think...these guys need a union...but really the foreman needs a good as whipping and upper management needs to be more involved with the workers out in the field...and yet I see that the foreman is in a click with a drinking buddy that is in management...more than likely that is how the foreman got the job in the first place...it can be a dog eat dog worldout there...

Hey Noah...not trying to steal your thread just my thoughts on the Unions...by the way...good story...I really enjoyed it...like I told you before...you need to write a book...  :) ;)

 Noah, I enjoyed your story. Mostly because my dad was a merchant marine engineer, so for my entire life up until the day he retired,  he was a member of a maritime union...... I could tell you a few stories. You are very correct, those people do things differently than ordinary every day people.  :)

I think i figured out the plan for you.  Your the court jester (if you will) for the man upstairs.  ;) ;D

  Like Wayoutwest I was a union millwright for about 14 years and never regretted it. Left 8 years ago due to family needing me to be home. I've always regretting leaving and really miss the type of work we did. I now work for Texas Deptment of Criminal Justice as a Lock Tech. They treat their employees worse than any employer I've ever worked for.

the unions can be a good thing for sure...especially if the management tries to treat the employees bad the union keeps them in check..also union workers tend to make higher wages and have better benefits...

Good read Noah.

should have taken bucho with you to leave in your room ;) ;D

Very good questions/points you bring up brother...  have been "re-examining" some things about myself ever since I read this lol... strange how a person can get caught up in life and forget things...  Life can be way, way more complicated than it would seem sometimes...

As for this particular union... I have learned enough to respect people's business... which is not a business I want any part of... rest assured however, there are things that go on behind the scenes that a moral human being would have no part in.


Disclaimer: What I say here, now, is from the heart as best as I can describe... exposed for all to see, I am who I am, strengths and weakness', hopefully not yet all I might be.


... As for my peculiar character/personality type.... I have yet to understand what/who I am/could be/should be thus far in life...  what I DO know... is that my whole life, I have been inspired by the challenge of winning the minds of those around me.... even if it is a people I have no interest in leading necessarily, "the game" quite simply draws me in...  Drop me off by parachute over Mogadishu, Somolia with nothing but the clothes on my back...  and stand back for a good show  ;)   THIS is what drives me...  the CHALLENGE of the game... a game I am VERY, VERY good at.

... I apologize, in that, this is a very consuming, introspective subject for me right now... have been trying to avoid dealing with it for the last few years, but I am glad that Ryan has spurred me to revisit this...  still trying to understand how to "harness" what natural gifts the Lord gave me... as an ever forcibly increasing "realistic pessimist" in this life... "what I would like to do" and "what I have to do" differ greatly....

I will most likely add to this randomly as moments of lucidity tend to come to me in "spurts" these days lol  ;D

Thankyou for making me think RyanTBH



 

LOL! Anytime...  :laugh: I'm gona shoot you a PM in the morning. I think the nerve struck IMO is just the tip of the iceberg. The problem with most is that they are never willing to accept that they might know too much...  ;)  I think that the moment you figure out that you really don't know exactly what's what and you start to question it continuously and on a regular basis is the moment you actually start to get somewhere. It's then that you figure out who you really are... but who are you ever, really??? Your morals will more than likely hold true throughout your life, but the way that you perceive life will most always change. Good stuff, and keep up the good stories man!

Very good stuff here brothers! I've worked union most of my live and have seen frist hand the good and the bad with it. I think of it like this the person is what they are from the start. If you don't have any morels or self respect than it's very easy to find something to hide behind . Weather that be a union or something else. Jmo thank y'all.

We as humans have a union with each other and if we would live a little more like that it would work alot better for us all. And ya don't have to have a union card in your pocket to start. ;D

I agree...

First off, I do not want this to come accross as me thinking I'm a "know it all"... I know I'm only 27, but I've seem some chit in my years I promise. I'm thinking of this from a point of leading or should I say not following.... if he could tell that the people behind it were crooks, and the majority of the peers wanted to nominate him for prez, then why not??? I mean, I understand why not and agree, but I'm thinking more principals here... If these are your natural abilities, and you have an opportunity to follow or peruse them, then why not? He is as I am, of course at different ages, but at a very similar point in our lives... ( i think ) trying to figure out why it is that we feel the way we do. I feel that I am here for something much bigger than myself. I know who I am, what kind of person I am, what I am capable of,  but knowing what that purpose is for or about is what the big question is.


This statement said it all to me, and stuck out to me drastically.

" As for my peculiar character/personality type.... I have yet to understand what/who I am/could be/should be thus far in life...  what I DO know... is that my whole life, I have been inspired by the challenge of winning the minds of those around me.... even if it is a people I have no interest in leading necessarily, "the game" quite simply draws me in...  Drop me off by parachute over Mogadishu, Somolia with nothing but the clothes on my back...  and stand back for a good show     THIS is what drives me...  the CHALLENGE of the game... a game I am VERY, VERY good at."

I personally think that this is a state of denial... I think that Noah is a leader, and just doesn't want to admit it to us or himself ;D ; and I also think that it IS this way whether you like it or not sometimes. When you are given a state of mind like this you need to be able to embrace it, and learn how to let it lift you and those around you up. I don't know, maybe I'm talking out of my arse, but think about all the people that have had similar thoughts of a bigger meaning and purpose, any of em... think about where this world would be had they not had them and followed them. Yes, there will be a few that have done unimaginable things to humanity, but on the other hand, there are people who have given their all for this idea/thought/feeling of the known but yet unknown. I really don't know how else to put it. I’m not trying to put Noah out there on blast, and I do not know him personally; but I do empathize with the feeling of the known but unknown and understand the want to figure it out. It bothers me every day…  I think that this is the struggle for every man at some point in his life, and the decision and final resolution made from this struggle determines who and what type of person/man you really are.

And I may be wrong about all of this, but it's the way I feel and I at lease know that is real. I don't see it as not having morals and hiding behind anything, but more of bringing it to light enough to be able to analyze it time after time after time. If you know who you are, what you love and are good at and follow that, I think, that you are much richer of a person than most and blessed for it. Because at that point, you are not only helping yourself, but you're also helping all of those around you that you are involved with. To make your life better is not necessarily easy, but is convenient... but to make others’ lives better and more bearable is a blessing in disguise.

Noah, once you've figured out what it is that you are supposed to do in this life I wish you the best luck doing it man. I have been struggling with this IDEA for a couple years now, and it's beginning to drive me a little nuts. One thing I do know is, when you figure out YOU, the rest will fall into place; but YOU is the first key to that puzzle. Good luck and God Speed!!!

Dammit son... you been talkin' to my shrink haven't you?  ;D  ;D

At this point, (after much backspacing...    :D ), I will simply agree that... yes, I am absolutely looking for a way to positively affect the world we live in... WHILE AT THE SAME TIME providing/being there for my family... a decievingly difficult task.... 

... in my early 20's, I discovered the extrodinary power of "straight forwardness".... coupled with my ingrained moral integrity, this proved to be a very powerful tool which I used/still use to build relationships/loyalties to this day.      I cannot stress to you young folk how effective speaking from your heart can be.   When you do, people feel.  When people feel, they tend to form a bond that essentially allows them to "relate" to you on a personal level...  you might want to wright this chit down...  ;) ;D

As for how to move forward at this point?  I don't know.  Every day I do what I have to do... all the while, watching, waiting, PRAYING(yes I pray) for God to show me how I might be strategically usefull in bringing happiness to those that deserve it in this hard world.

 ;)