Old School Logic & sayings

[ktchemwcurs]

I live 100yrds from Papaw, he will be 88 in March. He was at the doctor a couple of months ago getting examined and after the doctor left the nurse came in and said well Mr. Simmons, you are in great shape, but we are going to have to take your driver's licence away from you! He jumped up and started putting his cloth's back on in a big hurry, she looked over at him and asked him"where you going Mr. Simmons" he replied, "IM GOING TO FIND ME A NEW DOCTOR" LOL

Papaw's sayins:
1) Got take a 1/2 a Viagra a day to keep from "PN" in my boot!
2) Did you wake up this morning and have to go in the next room to scatch your head?(Hang over)
3) Watch that old cow, she gone make a steer out of ya!
4) I see ya got a "HANKY PANKY" over there!(new girlfriend)

Thats just a start!

[bigo]

When a cow or hog would get after me, my Dad would say, Don't run from 'em you'll make a fool out of 'em.
When someone wanted him to breed one of his gyps or mares to their stud he didn't like, he would tell them, I just as soon have 'em snake bit.
Shine like a diamond in a goats a$$

You look like fourty miles of bad road

[matt_aggie04]

Even a blind hog finds a acorn every now and then....

Does a bear chit in the woods?

When you paint something old... Give it a five gallon overhaul

[DubbleRDawgs]

"I have worse scratches than that on my eyeball"

"you better hope you face does not freeze like that"


Keep them coming, I sure would like to know more about the insects, bugs, wildlife and how to read the signs that our elders relied on before satelite and weather men!you better hope your face

A rebuttal to your, "I have worse scratches that that on my eyeball"....How about "You ain't going to die it's to far from your heart...lol

I was always told that when turtles cross the road the weather is going to turning bad.  Not sure if that is true or not but we have been having a lot of turtles crossing and skunks committing suicide in the highways.

[The Sundance Kid]

my personal favorite....its better to s!@t a fart than it is to fart a s!@t

[sbrooks]

A fast horse don't run long.
Run it like you see it
instead of saying does a bear S**t in the woods I use to hear, Is a 40 pound robin a big bird?

I have also heard that if cattle are grazing, the fish are biting but i have proven that wrong several times over 

[scooter1028]

Daddies favorite is " if you arent gonna use your head you might as well have two a$$e$"

[grunterhunter8]

Don't let your alligator mouth write a check your hummingbird @ss can't cash.

[TEXAS*MCH]

grandpas old line when i was little  "   A farting horse never tires " , , " if the dogwood tress are blooming , the fish are bitting "

[rdjustham]

"if your gonna be dumb you better be tough" 

[BarrNinja]

Working on a farm as a kid there was a few sayings that stuck and I still use them today.

A few of my favorites:
Questioning a grown up during work usually got us " Stop worrying  about the mule and just load the dang waggon".    We didnt use mules or waggons.

Complaining about a tough job to my papaw usually got you " I dont want to hear about the labor pains, just show me the baby!" My son hates that one.

When injured on the farm before quiting time: "I've had worse on my lip and kept one whistling!" It didnt matter if you had just severed a limb in a tractor implement either!

Equipment break down: " That dog aint huntn today"
A few more:
Screamed "Boy I will slap you to the back side of nowhere!" My mother.
Usually said through clinched teeth like Clint Eastwood. "Boy...... you better smile".lol  My Dad
"You cant make a silk purse out of a sows ear." Mamaw. Took me almost 20 years to figure that one out! lol
"Nuttier than a squirrel turd". Papaw

[Wmwendler]

Lets see.....

For weather I have heard and beleive these to be true for the most part.

If it thunders in Feb.s it will freeze in march.
If the sun sets behind a cloud bank on wensday it will rain before saturday.
When turtles start moving expect a decent rain event.

Some sayings that my Granpa allways uses.

"A chicken aint nothing but a big bird"  Used.... meaning have confidence in your self, you are facing challenge of some kind, So just do it and dont be intimidated because you know you can do it.  Its what I will be saying before I take my State Paramedic test.  "Chicken ain't nothing but a big bird"

"Its all over but the shouting"  Kind of like its all over but the celebration when you get something big accomplished.

"He's looking for yesterday"  You Can't find yesterday because it is gone. Wasting time or even doing something ignorant.

"Not smart enough to pour pis out of a boot."

"If he had any brains he'd take em out and play with em'"

Waylon

[chase]

 my uncle joe use to say when we whould complain about something hurting "you want me to cut it off''

[matt_aggie04]

When referring to something or someone that is stout...built like a brick chit house

talking about someone crazy....crazy as a chit house rat

horses that won't settle down are "full of pi$$ and vinegar"

[canitosmomma]

The owner of a ranch that I used to work on always would look at the fireant mounds and if there was a lip on the opening that it was going to be a cold winter. There was also something that would look different on a mound if it was going to be a wet spring, but unfortunately I can't remember what it was.
 
Daddy always would call us a "stand in the middle of the road and bawl for buttermilk baby" if we was fussin for no reason.

"Don't let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird azz"

if the boys were gettin to rowdy, he would tell them that he was "gonna knock their d**k in the dirt"

"Slicker than greased goose sh*t on a doorknob"

"If the cows is layin then the fish ain't bitin"

Thats all I can think of now, but if I think of more I will post them.

[sdillard]

Is a pigs a$$ pork

[Wmwendler]

When someone is confused, lost, frantic.....Grandpa would say they don't know weather they are coming or going.

Slicker than greazed owl shoot

Nastier than three foot up a bulls ____

Waylon

[matt_aggie04]

Called wd40 skeeter pee

Called PVC glue gorilla snot

when hungry you might "eat the ass out of a skunk"

how many people have heard their grandparents referred under wear as "step in's" or when something tastes good it is "larapin" my moms parents grew up real poor in southern Alabama and had alot of funny sayings like this

[Ned Makim]

A few from Australia...

from my father  'Every dog bites, every horse kicks and every gun is loaded'  generally about being aware that things can go wrong.
                      'He can who thinks he can.'

from my mother  'If you would avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing...'

Dad once heard a dog fight rolling down the main street of our town. He was a saddler and bushman and had some trouble fitting into the more proper aspects of society. The dog fight was a big one a blue heeler and an Eng bully, proper to the end scrap. I was standing at the front door of the saddlery watching the dogs rolling towards us and the matrons of the town grabbing children out of the way. There was lots of staring and shocked looks but no action. As I stood there, Dad brushed past me carrying a cattle flogger, a piece of heavy cane with redhide leather stitched around it and ending in two long flaps of  leather.
At that moment the dogs rolled passed the front of the saddlery and Dad stepped into the middle of them belting the crap out of both dogs until they let go and ran in opposite directions. I can clearly remember the shocked and appalled looks on all the ladies. Dad still hadn't said anything, he just walked back in the door. As he walked passed me he said...

'There's two types of people in the world Ned, those that can stop a dog fight and those that can't...'

[johnboy]

  Thunder before 7 rain before 11

  Red skys at night sailors delight  red skys in the morning sailors take warning